In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
