I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
