Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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