i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
