I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
