I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
two words: eviction party
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
