I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
