How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
