i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
