Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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