I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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