when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
