I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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