That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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