I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
