Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
