Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
