Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He did a backflip because drugs
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