Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize