Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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