You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
