I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
