remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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