My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
