you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
