I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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