i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
