he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
