Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
