I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Couch. On fire.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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