there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
