I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
