I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
