so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
