My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
