the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
