I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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