Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Vodka?
Forever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
