i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
please don't ironically join a cult
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