The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
