The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
