So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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