Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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