I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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