mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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