She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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