Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
