Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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