Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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