why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
