I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
