i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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