I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
