So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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