sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
