I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
