Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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