please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life