all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate