So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail