I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.