I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...