This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
