You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
