I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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