hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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