mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We got so high we made milksteak
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize