Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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