around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
