my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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