I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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