the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
