there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
